The Doctor Who Fans Guide to the Election

This recent debate took place on BBC Radio St Ives, in which leaders of the top parties debated why they best represented the Doctor Who vote. This transcript represents the highlights:

Presenter (Stu Lizard): So lets first go to Charles Kennedy, the leader of the Lib Dems, what are you going to do for Doctor Who fans if you win the election.

Charles Kennedy: Well Tony Blair took us to war, a bloody war that cost us 4 billion pounds. Now that amount of money would have been enough to produce 5000 episodes of Doctor Who, thats 1 episode for every week for the next century or 1 per day for the next ten years. We would have spent the wasted war money on that.

Presenter: So Tony Blair what have do you to say to that.

Tony Blair: Well thats absolutely rubbish really. If we hadn't got to war with Saddam he could have taken over the country with his weapons of mass destruction. Then he would have censored the new Doctor Who so that the Doctor would have had to say at least twice an episode "praise be Saddam Hussein, the inventor of this TARDIS."

Presenter: Michael Howard make your case.

Michael Howard: Well I want to be a vampire in Doctor Who, in fact I'm writing an episode now.

Presenter: How about nationalist parties, what do they think. Plaid Cymru, what would you do for Doctor Who fans.

Dafydd Iwan: Well Doctor Who is such a good programme, it should be made in Wales surely, no.

Presenter: How about the SNP.

Alex Sammond: Well I quit as leader of the this party and came back 2 year later so there's hope for Christopher Eccelston yet.

Presenter: Oh, can we welcome Caroline Lucas from the Green party to the room, she's late because the high speed rail link from Southend to St Ives hasn't been built yet.

Caroline Lucas: Hi, can anyone hear me, I think the recyled batteries have run out in my microphone.

Presenter: We can hear you, Carres.

Caroline Lucas: Yes, all the other parties are cynical popularists with this Doctor Who thing. Here you are pledging millions of pounds on Doctor Who and other hugely enjoyable polluting things, meanwhile some tapoles have just died in a pond in Sheffield cos the local drunk boozed up on cheap strongbow has just pissed in the pond.

Presenter: Ok that enough of that debate, we have reports that a tractor has broken down on the C132, so Kevin bring us the travel news for St Ives.