Full time acting job apply now

(Vacancy now filled, Billie didnt quit after all)

Ever wanted to get into acting, well now is your chance. Our lead girl has quit and we need someone with a similarly nice bottom to replace her. You must be somewhere in the region of 10-90 years old and be eager to be on front page of the Daily Star everyday. Also, we might make your part bisexual, so you better get used to stroking girls bottoms as well. Its an ideal role if you want want to make to Hollywood. Will suit ex-singer or karoke enthusiast. So come on girls get your applications in, quickly before I quit this job to become the casting director of Alien Vs Dalek Vs Jeremey Clarkson.

PS Charlotte Church, don't even consider applying, were not going to give you the job just cause you live opposite Billie.

PSS Also please note that Tom Cruise will b (sorry couldn't finish this sentance cos the secretary quit, to become Rachel Stevens' PA)